I feel like the guy with the big eyebrows and the obnoxious real estate agent in American Beauty when she says...that was exactly what I needed...
Granted, I don't mean it for anywhere near the same reasons...nonetheless....going home was so remarkably refreshing.
Touching bases with my life that still exists in the states, with the people I love and who love me, music, and my future really helped. I am now much more aware of what I love in Germany and what I need to work to avoid/not be affected by.
On top of that....My Graduate Audition Recording worked out wonderfully and I really am excited at my prospects next year in music an personally.
It was also nice to have some of the people I really respect in music tell me...no....you are a young bass...
I know I am not a basso profondo. I never thought I was, but I had become insecure about both my high notes AND LOW notes here. The entire lower fourth of my voice had almost entirely disappeared.
Sahuc talked about my voice only being able to hold notes up to an F before thinning out into some sort of false voice. That fit in exactly with what I had been feeling. Sure I can screech up to a G or even occasional Ab, but it always thins out and looses almost any ping, like my chords aren't able to hold together.
At the same time...my awareness and ability to manipulate my voice has gone through the roof. While I am not entirely sure I am building my voice yet, I have definitely gotten to know it a lot better. I alos have no fear going into a lesson with some one else....what so ever. I honestly think, however, that what Piernay wants from me at this point is an extreme, but I think that will be good for me temporarily. My voice has a natural darkness and slightly....perhaps covered...sound. If you look in my mouth and throat you will understand why. I am not a German basso Profondo like Piernay, but I am becoming more convinced I am a lyric bass/ maybe bass-baritone. It will be interesting to see where lessons go from here. It was definitely fun this break to go back a bit to what has been forbidden this last semester (but which frankly feels entirely natural, relaxed and comfortable) with some of the good things I have learned this semester. Like how to actually use breath when singing. My darn tongue always got in the way before as I really created subglottic or somehow forced my chords together by manipulating my tongue and throat creating that uncomfortable cap on my voice. (I can actually apply some of the things Dr. Price would say so muh that just wouldn't ever seem to work:-) Now I am getting rid of that but think I have swung too far the other way to not holding the chords together (hence the thinning high notes lacking bite probably from a lack of subglottic pressure) or rather too much Oe and not enough ae. I definitely think that is acceptable at the moment however to leave past habits behind.
It is quite funny the difference in teaching styles. I always leave a lesson with Piernay feeling like an idiot who can't sing and leave lessons with Sahuc feeling intelligent and that my voice keeps getting better. they definitely both have their benefits, but I know which one is more enjoyable...haha.
One thing I like about Sahuc, I almost always have a very clear sense of purpose and direction in what I am trying to accomplish.
I was on the Pepperdine campus over the break...what a trip. Made me miss folks. Dr. Price, Mr. P, Dr. E...actually the entire Pepperdine music faculty. They really are a great group. Louise totally saved my butt and I continue to be so thankful to have had such wonderful professors.
Unfortunately I got some bad knews as well over break which I won't share here, but definitely could use some thoughts and prayers for my family. Fortunately, my family seems to be handling it well...
I got to hear Craig on the radio for the Met National council Western Regionals. He sounded great! (big surprise) I was able to record the entire thing with really high quality using a labtop so it is great to have a couple more tracks that he can use for applications and/or to have around the house.
There have been about 3-4 inches of snow the entire time I have been back and it has been between 25 below and 5 below. Definitely a new experience. Thank goodness my Aunt and uncle sent me a hat for christmas...I have been using it almost everyday.
My nephews are so cool! They are 13 and 11 and they are still totally cool, good and darn intelligent kids. It is really neat to see my brother and his wife raise such good kids. I think there is a shortage of good parents in the world these days.
Finally have time/desire to read the bible from cover to cover. I started once before, but was too busy and didn't get out of Genesis. There is a little schedule in my bible that jumps back and forth between Old and New Testament and so far I have been astonished how much of the bible I already read. So far nothing new...but I am not out of Genesis or Matthew yet.
It definitely is interesting approaching the bible on my own terms and schedule and with an adult brain. The first few chapters of Genesis seem so...Almost Native American. Just reminded me of creation stories and explanation tales from other early/more primitive societies. Kept thinking of the Coyote and the raven explaining why Coyotes howl at night and why there are stars in the sky. It is also nice to really be able to take in the Jesus's message in context and with an actual desire to read it, rather than thinking about the donuts in bible study or how many pages I have left to read before religion 102 in the morning.
I sometimes feel a bit ashamed for in some ways wasting so much time my first 2 months on my own in Mannheim. I think that they were kind of neccessary and understandable though. I just needed some mundane safety and familiarity and having to travel so constantly and feeling like an idiot languagewise just wore me down.
I am happy to say however, that my German is better than ever, I am absolutely enjoying my free time to go on walks, read, or cook and that I miss my loved ones and in particular Miriam, I am actually feeling rather fulfilled here.
Knowing I have not lost the things I cherish in America, and have some sense of what I will be doing next year and my continuing potential....I really feel much more at peace and in the moment here...
Though maybe it is just because the Lakers beat the Celtics...and the Celtics continue to lose....
Maybe....
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