Winding Down.

It may be a little to soon to say I am winding down as I have 3 different performances in the next 5 days, but really, I am. The opera opened on the 16th and went quite well. Of course it could have been better but not too much. I am having a hard time being understood as my character speaks half French and German with a French accent, but I have gotten some positive feedback.

Piernay's Klassenabend is on tomorrow and a brief rehearsal I had with him went fairly well. I think he is intentionally very grumpy some days and not on others. Either way, you never really know what to expect. That has its ups and downs.

The reason I am winding down is that after the 24th, I don't have any more performances and only 2 weeks more of class. As my classes don't really matter that much (I didn't say that) due to the fact that I will not get credited for most of them, it seems finally doing a bit of traveling would be more beneficial.

So I am heading to Italy. Right now the plan is 2 days in Rome, a day in Florence, and a day in Milan. I don't have as much money saved up as I wanted but am still looking to take a few hundred Euros home with me (a nice cushion before I find a job or hopefully get going enough tuning pianos.)

I can say now that there are legitimately several people here I will miss which is bittersweet. It has been an odd year in that the entire time I have felt torn between the desire to make a live here and thrive and the knowledge that it is all temporary. I guess life is. But somehow taking a year out of the middle of your life is a bit like listening to a bit of Liszt in the middle of Beethoven's 9th. It is still beautiful intriguing music, but it seems to upset the masterpiece. Lame metaphor...

Anyway, it has been a great experience but as of right now I don't think I will be upset if I never get/have to do this again. It has been good to learn what it is like to be a foreigner.

Side note. Singing with the Pepperdine group is great fun. This might be a little pathetic, but the last two times I have sung and then hung a little with them, I have gotten really sad the minute I walked out the door to leave. Haha. I think it is just nice to be a 3 dimensional person with three dimensional relationships, even with people I just met.

I have made a lot of friends here and have learned a lot about language, culture, and communication, but anytime I am with friends here, there is always a limit to how much we can connect. I don't think I reallised that untill hanging out with a group of Americans again. Plus you always feel a little bit...slow...dumb...out of it

Plus, Dr. Price is just a great guy. His enthusiasm and passion for opera is contageous. Germany in general feels very...hmmm...augen zu und durch....kinda means take a beep breath and plunge on in. It literally means eyes forward or closed and through...I think it is a bit less enthusiastic than plunge in. Kinda like you put your head down and work, and then at 8:00 at night you start to drink...haha. I have not been living that way, but I have definitely sensed a general oppressive air in Germany. I don't know if it is the weather, my circumstances in life, my activities and contacts here, or truly a national tendency but many of my peers have noticed it as well.

I should go eat dinner.

Wish me luck and god bless.

Singing

Singing is going decently well. I have certainly learned a lot. I have read about 5 books on vocal technique here. They have all been good but the last two of particular interest.



The first was Richard Miller's book on National Schools of singing comparing traditional schools from Germany, Italy, France and England. It has been very interesting to gain an idea of what different sounds are desired and what techniques are used in an attempt to attain such timbres.



Second, was The Free Voice by Cornelius L. Reid. This was particularly interesting because Mr. Reid was one of Piernay#s teachers and basically describes the entire process Piernay has taken me through this year. It is a dense book (very authoritative in its tone...perhaps a bit to a fault) but has been an excellent companion and tool to reason what Piernay has been attempting to do with my voice. Some of the principals in it are exceptional...though I am uncertainty about the complete validity of few. Nonetheless, having basically received the exact instruction he describes, I can say it certainly has great merit.



My access to these books was due to a report which I wrote for my Stimmkunde class (basically vocal pedagogy) This report was basically to read as many of the books my teacher had in English (since it is easier for me than for the German students) and summarise some of the different Techniques. I gave a presentation yesterday (I only had to write up a handout...ended up 4 pages of charts comparing techniques in German...) and it went really well! My German has gotten quite decent. Some days it seems a lot better than others but I certainly can live here and communicate without too much consideration to language.



Summary of performances



Two weekends I sang a few songs in the professor from my Pedagogy classes class evening since she needed a low voice. If she hadn't have had two singers come down sick, I would have sung more at the concert than any of her actual voice students..stressful and frustrating with a few misunderstandings. Nonetheless, it was a good time.



The next day I sang two arias from El Canguro (an opera in production by Cynthia Ferrel and Michael von der Nahmer) Ironically he got a stipendium to study in die Pfalz at almost exactly the same time I did. It was really interesting and entertaining to find out what the opera was about (I sang at a presentation about its development). I had already recorded a few scenes with Joey and Allison but never really knew the plot. It is really quite a good story! haha. Anyway, it was a bit rough as my voice sits a little higher these days and one of the arias was very declamatory and ungodly low. I think I made my voice a little raw for the next couple days.



Now I am in the midst of rehearsing Die Lustige Weiber. We have rehearsal every day except Sundays and the rehearsals are in Neustadt (a half hour rain ride fromt he Hauptbahnhoff) All in all it is at least 50 minutes of travel each way and has made attending classes regularly and impossibility. However it is a lot of fun and I am getting pretty close with a lot of the cast. We have on German (half Korean) Four Serbians, a Macedonian, a girl from Uzbekistan who has a contract with The Berlin Staatsoper next season for their coloratura roles, probably 8 Koreans, 3 Chinese, a Japanese tenor, and me...haha. It is a great group.



Meanwhile I have started spending my nights going to and from Heidelberg to rehearse with the Pepperdine group doing two scenes with them. It is a complete change of pace to sing Italian Mozart and really just have a good time in comparison to a comic role singing German with a French accent.



voice lessons consist of working on Russian songs for Piernay's Klassenabend and being called lazy and or slow. (still learning a ton though)



16th: first performance Lustige Weiber. 19th: class concert. 20th: Second performance Lustige Weiber. 23: Opera scenes with Pepperdine.



Then...Freeeeedom! I am thinking that I have already missed so much class and little need for the Scheins, that I may just travel the last 20 days. Actually that is not true. I find all of the classes interesting and honestly enjoy attending them, but if missing one means I can go to Italy...I will go to Italy.



Anyway, wish me luck.

Miriam's visit and Munch land

I had too many themes to cover in one post, so I split them up...hehe

Miriam visited me the beginning of May and mand was it great. well...I should amend that

When Miriam arrived. It was the first time I have felt like someone who is close to me really did not belong somewhere. I reallized eventually that she was the first person who I knew more than 9 months ago to see my life in Mannheim and see it close up and personal. I have seen a few old friends here but usually they were more acquaintances and I saw them in Heidelberg or London. Suddenly, I had one of my 'closest' friends injected into a life that was to that point completely new, separate from my life in the States, and completely mine. I went from being in a city of congenial but generally formal strangers (the Serbians are a bit different) to being with someone who I was expected to be (and wanted to be) intimate with emotionally and physically. Mannheim has not, and especially up to that point, not been a place of much intimacy. That and rainy weather made the first couple of days honestly a little akward. However! hehe...they were still very enjoyable and it was very nice to have a close friend with me AND to be a TOURIST. hehe.

Miriam left after a couple of days spent mostly in Mannheim, Heidelberg and the surrounding area. After visiting her sister in Prague she returned and we made a trip to The Mosel Valley and stayed in a really cute little Bread and Breakfast. Then things were purely wonderful. We saw castles, rode bikes, hiked, got caught in the rain hungry wet and cold (we ended up in a nice chinese restaurant trying to hide the fact that we were dripping wet) and had great conversations.

The only downside to Miriam visiting was that by the time she left I was knee deep in rehearsal and making up the work I had put off while she was here.

Oh yeah! The day she left, in order to distract myself, I made a trip to München (Munich). I used a website called Mitfahrgelegenheit which is basically a carpool website. I made it to Munich and back for 35€ and spent probably 70 dollars on food, opera tickets, and local transportation for about 2 1/2 days in Munich!

I also saw John Relyea in Le Nozze di Figaro and Bryn Terfel and Matti Salminen in Die Fliegender Holländer. Figaro was decent. Definitely worth the trip. Relyea was good though a little...unclear production. I felt like there was a bit of damming of the airflow either from tongue manipulation or tense breath control (My taste really has changed a bit this year). Holländer was amazing! I had seen Die Meistersinger in Mannheim but was very tired, it was a strange insinierung and The voices ver mediocre. But hearing Terfel and Salminen (I couldn't actually see them because the seats were really cheap) was amazing. The orchestra was fabulous and you really FELT the music. I have heard enough Wagner I have really started to notice the Leitmotivs and that made it all the more interesting. I had heard Terfel twice before in person and always found him very good but had yet to be blown away. This times, I was. I think this role was essentially written for him. I could see why Wagner wanted his music song legatto (so often not the case these days). In a relatively small European house, with a great orchestra, he was really able to show his stuff. I still don't know if I think he would be a good Wotan. I still want a bit more growl for the King of the Gods, but man...Holländer...I won't forget that any time soon.

Heimweh

It has been a loooong time since I posted. This is mostly a reflection of how busy I have been...meaning I have more than ever to talk about. Unfortunately I will not be able to talk about it all, or even come close, so I will attempt to record the things I think others would find interesting, and which I am afraid of forgetting.

Last night I was in an Irish pub after the first dress rehearsal of die Lustige Weiber with a few of my professors and several of the cast, including the Eastern European group, mostly Serbian (they all study with Frau Stemancovich and are quite good). They have become my closest group of friends here outside of my roommates and a few Americans. Anyway, I was having a great time reveling in the fact that I only have rehearsal with the Pepperdine group tomorrow (a rare occasion the last 3 weeks) when Brown Eyed Girl came on the radio. Since that time last night I have some of the worst homesickness I have had since coming here. Normally while I have been here I have missed specific individuals: my girlfriend, brother, parents, or friends. Hearing that song, I started to miss the USA. haha...I just have some many memories of that song. Dancing with friends at parties in Highschool and girls who always wanted blue eyes saying that that song helped them to love their own. Concerts in the park. Fourth of July. I think that song just kinda symbolized growing up in Claremont and some of the best times I had there.

I have more friends here and am more social than I have been since Marburg but I really miss Summer in Claremont. It has been a few years since I have really spent one there and I am oddly very nastolgic to be there again.

13 days of intense rehearsal an performing. 20 days to travel and hang out with my friends here a few last times.

35 days and I will hug my parents and hold my girlfriend again. 36 days and I will laugh with my brother and talk about him becoming a father. 37 days and I will drive through my mountains, listen to Bob Dylan, maybe play some guitar and hopefully cry some tears of joy.

Soundtracked Strolling

Well...11:00 on a sunday night is a little late to be bellowing out Mahler, so I went for a walk instead tonight.

It is often quite amusing the....movie moments one witnesses when meandering with an ipod on shuffle. I stumbled across a carneval, I believe it was the Maimarkt to be exact, and what surreal experience that was. As it was then 11:30 on a Sunday, it was nearly empty aside from the piles of garbage and people closing down the shops. I must say this gave the LA County fair a run for its money. While it had no place setting or pie baking competitions, this baby had just as many carneval rides including ferris wheels, a giant slide and as it is in Germany, lots of alcohol and Wurst. and best of all, admittance was free. Germans know how to party...

I had three highlights of music and situational simbiosis (is that a word?)
First, strolling through an empty fair ground in a melancholy mood when Mad World from Donnie Darko comes on
Two, audio poetry juxtaposed with a near empty fair ground
and finally, an old turkish man in a suit running who knows where to "Titans Spirit (Score)" from Remember the Titans. I have never seen a little old turkish man so heroic.

Anyway, Started work on some songs in Russian today. Would have been appropriate for the winter. In English they are called Sunless by Modest...haha...love that for a first name. Some of the music is really beautiful though a bit melancholy. The first piece in particular (perhaps because it is easy enough for me to play on the piano in tempo) is really pretty. He uses some really flavorful harmony.

I miss my brother.

Anyway, I should try to go to bed.

Merry Chirstmas to all? and to all a good night.

Mahler and machinations without malice

Man...I needed a bit of Mahler tonight...haha

Stressful times. My hiatus from performing that I very monochromaticaly enjoyed last semester has definitely come to an end. I have started having to turn down projects which I guess is a good thing.

I made it to see Thomas Hampson in Heidelgberg a few nights ago. I will refrain from too many comments as this is technically a public arena but will simply say that during the final set I chose to watch the audience instead of the performer. His voice was quite good, very lyrically and clean and with good control, though I have always found it a little to...hmm...I guess I will say lacking an animal instinct, roughness, or sincerity that is able to really arouse people. The music was nonetheless quite good, though his presentation was at times very self-indulgent (not that I was surprised). This unfortunately made the music seem at times concocted and insincere.

As I already stated, I found the audience a better visual. He definitely performed some of my absolute favorite pieces. Admittedly, during Stille Trännen I could here Jose Van Dam the entire time in my head. He also sang the Rückert Lieder. The pianist was also excellent. That was when I really watched the audience (a little creepy perchance). There was one older gentlemen with his eyes closed, his head tilted slightly back, and a look of utter peace. That too me was one of the most beautiful things I have seen. To see how A few of my very favorite songs, which have brought me so much inspiration, enjoyment, and consolation, could affect other people in the same way, really gave me an affirmation of the worth of my studies. It is the ability to instill that peace that I saw on that bald-headed, white eye-browed man (not too different from Geri in the Disney-Pixar short with the chess game) that makes me study the arts.

Warning....this next paragraph may mean nothing to those not Familiar with the Rückert Lieder from Mahler. If not, and you are curious, they contain two of my favorite songs ever written.

I had a bit of an epiphony during the Rückert Lieder. He placed Um Mitternacht second to last and Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen second. After Um Mitternacht (with no cracking!!!...next time...) I thought exactly what Louise had said at my Pre-recital. "How do you put something else on the program after that" But when Ich bin der Welt started, I think I figured it out. Um Mitternacht ends with a proclamation of God's power and the singers helplessness. The poet says that he gives up the struggle of man kind into God's hands. It is a Beautiful and utterly stirring climax that makes one want to stand up and shout or cry or clap or something. So to follow it with one of the most introspective pieces of music seems like a fools errand. But. I think the contrast highlights ich bin der Welt even more. The poet gives up his struggles to God AND THEN, is lost to the world. The he can live in his love and in his music. then it is alright to give up the struggle because he has reallized that he cannot decide it, and only God can.

I had a frustrating moment involving Ich bin der Welt. It was the second song I sang in my "audition" for Piernay. We talked a bit about it and I said it always reminded me a bit of Buddhist non-being/non-action. He basically said I was wrong. Granted, his German is undoubtedly better than mine, but Rückert is famous today for his translation of Oriental texts. Not especially for his poetry. The idea that his poems would have overtones of Eastern philosophy/religion seems utterly logical. I don't know. I just kind of remembered the full background of my interperetation of that song (7 months later) and finally had a supported come-back! haha! That may definitely be a record for me. Everone thinks about what they shoud have said in a situation but 7 months later is a long time for me. Not that he would have listened...hehe

I needed a bit of Mahler myself today. My roommates all went out and I stayed home to try to get the work I would be doing when Miriam visits so I was able to play as 'stop and go' and sing as loudly as I wanted.

It has been a curious week. I have pretty much committed to going to U of Redlands. Who would have guessed that a year ago. I got a Grad Assistanceship so it should work out being the cheapest option as well. Unfortunately some of my other reasons have become a little shaky in the last twenty-four hours, but I have Mahler and optimism.

I plan to become an Associate Member of the Piano Technicians guild next year and really work toward become a certified member. I don't know how much I will still have to learn but I imagine it will take at least a year. This short summer between painting our house and going to Mexico I plan to take apart and rebuild my Spinnet. I will also sort through the tools and parts I inherited.

I am glad I will finally have a chance to work towards earn that blessing. I don't think I will ever really feel I deserved it, but I can at least feel I have handled it responsibly. I just hope I made Bill Dick feel like the baldheaded white eye-browed Geri some time when I sang at church.

Happy days :-)

So...a lot has happened since I last posted...

I went to Berlin for a week. great to see friends and did some singing that went much better than I was afraid it would...still a bit throaty I think though. Sadly I only made it to a couple Museums and not some of the ones I really wanted to see...but that just means I will have to go back. It was great to see my Marburg buddies again.

Upon return to Mannheim, I began rehearsal with the Opernschule. What a fun group of people! The director seems a bit to hands-on and exacting at times...but ultimately...I think it teaches people a lot and is necessary with the group.

I have made friends with a could of Serbian students among others and am starting to regret having to leave next year. I just wish I could bring a certain someone here with me...haha. I always thought it would happen that way. When I finally start to really fit in and thrive...I have to go home...but I at least have 3 1/2 months left

I had a very good and very frustrating lesson the other day. Piernay actually said I sounded good! Unfortunately, the reason I sounded good was the fact that I had practice almost exclusively technique for the last month and a half. However, I neglected to learn any new music for lessons untill 3 days before the lesson, so it was a little rough. I think I let Piernay down a bit and I guess myself, but the good thing is that lessons continue to go well and now that I have gotten to understand Piernay's personality I find him quite enjoyable (though one must always be a bit cautious :-)

I have gone from feeling like I have nothing to do here...to feeling slightly overwhelmed. This lesson was admittedly my fault but the next few months will be quite full with writing a report comparing vocal techniques, quite a bit of singing with Pepperdine, the opern schule, el Canguro and some possible klassenabends.

Still, first semester was precisely what I needed, a chance to really experiment and break down my voice to rebuild it without my lower tongue as an exhausting and uncomfortable source of stability. Now I get to enjoy the fruits and solidify what I have learned by performing!

I had a surprisingly enjoyable weekend as the director and codirector of the opera school invited the fellow playing Falstaff and I to go on an asuflug (excursion) with them. We are both ausländer so they thought it would be nice to show us some of the prettier parts of the area. We left about 11:00 and went to a couple nice little towns in the wine country surrounding Mannheim. We meandered and ate good food and had an ultimately relaxed day courtesy of Frau Gleue (the director). I was quite glad I accepted the invitation. I am really starting to feel at home here.(spring helps a lot too...hehe)

I guess that is the challenge of starting a new life somewhere, you can't live both of them. It is such a blessing and a shame that they are both so good.

Anyway, once again, this was written over several days so I apologize if it is redundant or random.

Oh yeah...two more things...I went on a ridiculously long hike up the heiligenberg to Weisserstein...I kept seeing this name on the signs and set my mind on reaching it before I knew how far away it was. Anyway, a five hour hike later and a potty-break in the woods (my first time!) I finally got back to Heidelberg tired but successful. I took the train home, slept for half an hour, scarfed down a döner and then headed out to the Lange Nacht der Museen with my roommate and her friend. What a cool night. All of the museums and various churches and so-forth were open and you could go into as many as you wanted with a fourteen dollar ticket. We visited a mosque, several art installations, the castle and went inside Wasseturm. The only downside of the night which was surprisingly mild was that after a rigorous 5 hour hike...I spent another 5 hours on my feet walking all over Mannheim and through museums. Nonetheless es war sehr schön.

Hehe....I was singing in my bedroom today which has a chest level window that is abou 6 feet tall and four feet wide. Anyway, it is the best sources of light and really a room changer but I often am self-conscious of people being able to see me outside. Anyway, today I was singing when a relatively young lady walked by,....I am assuming heard me...and made eye-contact/smiled/laughed at me. There did not appear to be any mallice in it and she attempted to point me out to an older lady and child who were with me but they didn't really look in.

So....I smiled back...haha, and never paused in my singing.

I read Venus and Adonis by Shakespeare today. It is 1194 lines long and is probably the longest poem I have ever read in one sitting (though I did pause for dinner) and wow...reading Shakespeare with an adult mind really is wonderful. I had been wanting to revisit Shakespeare, who I had not read in any large quantity since highschool and am blessed to have a copy of his complete works in the room I am subletting. I really do love poetry, so I should definitely delve more into him. I finished Song of myself and have been enjoying a bi-lingual anthology of German poets Miriam gave me, but Shakespeare seems like a bastion who I really should familiarize myself with.

Singing is going decently I guess. I have really been enjoying The Four Voices of Man by Jerome Hines and am starting to become more more aware of the registration occurences (and more importantly finding/attempting to find ways to blend them.

Oh yeah, I got myself a copy of A Brief History of Everything by Ken Wilber and have really been enjoying it. I have had trouble as of late reading on airplanes but this last bout of travel I manage 65 pages of the book as well as nearly 4 movies (one of which was a very interesting German film calle Nordwand about early climbers in the Alps). Louise had suggested A Brief History to me during some rehearsal in Raitt in the last two years and I am really enjoying the perspectives and intellectual processes Mr. Wilber explores. So far, he has been summarizing expanding on many of the ideas that I have tossed around my head the last several years and am really enjoying it.

Tomorrow I travel to Berlin for a week long conference with Fulbright. I am really looking forward to seeing my Marburg buddies again and am finally excited for a bit of tourism. I think that once the weather improves as well, I will begin to travel far more in Baden-Württemberg. It is not terribly appealing at this point to travel an hour or more by train to seek refuge from the rain in a cafe in another city.

Even the German's are saying this rain is going on unusually long. I think everyone is hungry for spring. I saw some tulips starting to sprout in the grass in an intersection! A taste of things to come :-)

Playful Poetry

I have the most terrible luck with writing posts and then my computer collapsing. Oh well. Anyway, being home was wonderful and made me excited for next year. I had been really starting to question if I was making the right choice and I think choosing love and happiness (and an excellent teacher who I really get along with well) over a big name school is an excellent choice. My father's surgery went really well and he started working from home yesterday. I am so glad I got to be home for it. That roughly sums up my break.

Here are some poems I scribbled down today. As usual, these are half a joke...I think it is due to me not believing I am a good enough poet to write truly subtle and serious poetry, but there are few things I enjoy more than writing poems, so this is the outcome. I rarely ever know the outcome when I start one...somehow it usually leads to a good button. A button in improv is a good last line after which the ref would blow the whistle...I don't know if anyone else uses that term...hmm...

I.

A great poet, his soul reflects.
Within his lines he introspects
And outrospects, if such words were.
Or what if he were truly her?
And kept her greatness out of sight.
What if this poet could not write!
And want for words she’d whistle tunes
And walk around in pantaloons.
Then everyone would call her he.
Oh, what a mess it all would be!
And not a soul would ever know it:
He is one great lady poet.

II. (Note...the use of the name keith was merely due to it's mono-syllabic nature and because I did not want to offend any Tims, Jims or Jacks. Lynn was truly tempting though the attempt at internal rhyme seemed too obvious. Also, I don't believe there is much poetry with the name Keith....but now there's one. Though honestly the initial thought that inspired the poem was my accomadating nature, which has become increasingly predominant in Germany this year.)

Keith was good at fitting in.
He never cried or made a din.
And every day while at his school
Keith would follow every rule.

He wouldn’t bark, bicker or bite.
He just kept quiet, out of sight.
His teachers might have noticed him
But he seemed neither smart nor dim.

And when he took a music test
He never scored above the rest.
He had a great affinity
For middle C, that’s what he’d be.

He could have made his grades much higher
But Keith wanted, like his attire
To blend into the swarming mass
And little Keith did always pass.

He would appease most everyone.
I’m not sure if he found it fun
Or simply better so to be
And not descent, but to agree.

Keith would never gawk nor gall.
He rather didn’t much at all.
And yet, I think he did a bit
But no one ever noticed it.

No one knew he’d joined the room
And if a fire spelled certain doom
The firefighters would have missed
This little boy, you get the gist.

And gradually young Keith grew older.
I dare not saw he grew much bolder.
He just went quietly on his way
And never really had a say.

One day Keith walked into a crowd
And heard that Keiths were not allowed
And so he vanished on the spot
You saw him too, or did you not?

If I’m the only one to see
poor Keith, perhaps poor Keith is me?
Of course, this really can’t be true.
(The proof is simple, I think.
It is you.)

(Still on I go lest I forget

I have not reached the finish yet)
To see a man and look right through
is quite impossible to do.

Yet oft I wonder what fore me lies
And tip toes thoughtless through my eyes.
Oh what a waste the world to miss!
My greatest foe, I wish not this.

Gefeiern!

I took a big step last Thursday. Unfortunately that coupled with some snow and physical activity resulted in my being sick again. There was an end of the semester party at the Hochschule and while my roomy and I were supposed to go together, she never came home. Anyway as 10:00 finally rolled around I headed out and went to the party on my own. I think that was the first time I went to a social outing with mostly Germans alone. Honestly, I did a lot better there on my own. Granted there were also several people I already knew from classes, but through them I met a couple new people and really socialized, rather than followed my roommate around. A big part of this is that my german is finally really getting decent and on top of that I have been here long enough that people are starting to open up, as german's so notoriously take a while to do.

Anyway, it is great to really start to branch out on my own. It is funny, with voice lessons and my social life here, I am really finally starting to feel proud of myself. I have truly been challenged here and am finally succeeded. Pepperdine was quite comfortable my last 3 years and I flourished and was able to enjoy myself quite a bit, but really been tested and pushed past my boundaries has caused me to really feel I have accomplished something here. Kinda sappy, but is true.

Second try

I wrote an entire entry, but my internet explorer flipped out before I posted it. therefore...this will be very dry...

Singin Cajus with the opera school in spite of about 4 weeks of conflicts


Get to spend all of my time with MJ when she is here
Get to see John Relyea as Figaro and Salminen and Terfel in Holländer

After meeting with the opera school a month or two ago, they talked with Piernay and got the impression that it was too early for me to sing a role. Piernay seems to have not recollection of it, but a month ago I wasn't really ready to sing in front of a public again, so it makes sense. Anyway, Piernay asked if I had been recruited yet so he really did seem to have no idea...haha. Smaller role but it will still be a good experience.

I like some David Boey, hate other Boey...is that how you spell his name? don't know

Filing for taxes as an independent saves me a lot of money...what a relief...haha.

Can't wait to be home and see my family, Miriam, friends and hopefully even the pepperdine opera.

I am excited...Rene Pape has a recital in Frankfurt on Jun 30th. I wonder if some of the pepperdine group will want to go.

It turned rainy here and I got a lovely cold that kept me down for about 4 days. Now almost a week later I still have a gunky throat. Was a heck of a cold.

I had more...but don't remember.

Nice to be getting healthy again and finally be able to get out of the house again. I was getting pretty stir crazy.

Settling in

I am sitting in my room listening to my roommate playing folk/gypsiesque fiddle music and really appreciating my living situation. I have entirely re-arranged my room and cleaned it out, as well as the 6 by 4 window that faces the courtyard outside.

I am finally really settling in and enjoying myself here. I think finally staying in the same place for longer than 2 months is really helping me to feel at peace. I miss my loved ones a lot as always, but I am able to balance that with my real blessings at the moment.

I had a small epiphany while I was home. I think it was really unfortunate to do my two last major performances at Pepperdine (the opera and my senior recital) while recovering from being sick/still sick. I think that that, followed by a long pause in which I was able to dwell on the difficulty of those performances, really shook my confidence in my technique and led me to believe it was more little flaws than it really did. I ordered “The Four Voices of Man” on Amazon (which the post person broke half in two while jamming it into our postbox) and am really enjoying reading it. Jerome Hines talks a lot about a variety of vocal approaches/techniques that are all feasible for a career. I think I have been exposed to three of them and they all have different advantages. Reading this book is really helping me to distinguish between them and be able to call upon them in different situations or even better, combine them for an optimal sound and ease of production.

Here is a frustrating little bit….

About a month and a half before Christmas, I was approached by the assistant director and asked interested in doing the opera. I met with him and the Director and they asked me if I could do Herr Reich. I met with the musical director and we sang through a bit of Herr Reich and she said I was in. Then I proceeded to work on the role with my vocal coach (who works specifically with the opera school) over the last 4 weeks and learn the entire thing. Granted it is not terribly large, and I do not have it memorized yet, but I have put considerable effort into it. In the last week, I saw the assistant director and asked him about it again, and he seemed confused and asked me what I was supposed to sing. Then I saw Piernay, and he asked if I had been recruited and I said yes, to do Herr Reich. Piernay also seemed confused.

I get a phone call today from the musical director asking apologizing for not talking to me for so long and asking if I would like to do another role and since Herr Reich is already full. It is a smaller part and the music is not as pretty, though perhaps a bit more fun. Also a bit higher, may be a little uncomfortable but might bring some good to practice singing up there in choruses full out a lot. Still, it gives me second thoughts about the entire thing.

So…now I get to learn a third Role in the Merry Wives of Windsor, Dr. Cajus. I tell you, I am all doubled up on several shows. Figaro and Bartolo in Le Nozze, Olin Brit and Harold Hill in the Music Man. and now this one…haha…should still come in handy though.
Still…ugh…frustrating….

I had a Holly Jolly Christmas

I feel like the guy with the big eyebrows and the obnoxious real estate agent in American Beauty when she says...that was exactly what I needed...

Granted, I don't mean it for anywhere near the same reasons...nonetheless....going home was so remarkably refreshing.

Touching bases with my life that still exists in the states, with the people I love and who love me, music, and my future really helped. I am now much more aware of what I love in Germany and what I need to work to avoid/not be affected by.

On top of that....My Graduate Audition Recording worked out wonderfully and I really am excited at my prospects next year in music an personally.

It was also nice to have some of the people I really respect in music tell me...no....you are a young bass...

I know I am not a basso profondo. I never thought I was, but I had become insecure about both my high notes AND LOW notes here. The entire lower fourth of my voice had almost entirely disappeared.

Sahuc talked about my voice only being able to hold notes up to an F before thinning out into some sort of false voice. That fit in exactly with what I had been feeling. Sure I can screech up to a G or even occasional Ab, but it always thins out and looses almost any ping, like my chords aren't able to hold together.

At the same time...my awareness and ability to manipulate my voice has gone through the roof. While I am not entirely sure I am building my voice yet, I have definitely gotten to know it a lot better. I alos have no fear going into a lesson with some one else....what so ever. I honestly think, however, that what Piernay wants from me at this point is an extreme, but I think that will be good for me temporarily. My voice has a natural darkness and slightly....perhaps covered...sound. If you look in my mouth and throat you will understand why. I am not a German basso Profondo like Piernay, but I am becoming more convinced I am a lyric bass/ maybe bass-baritone. It will be interesting to see where lessons go from here. It was definitely fun this break to go back a bit to what has been forbidden this last semester (but which frankly feels entirely natural, relaxed and comfortable) with some of the good things I have learned this semester. Like how to actually use breath when singing. My darn tongue always got in the way before as I really created subglottic or somehow forced my chords together by manipulating my tongue and throat creating that uncomfortable cap on my voice. (I can actually apply some of the things Dr. Price would say so muh that just wouldn't ever seem to work:-) Now I am getting rid of that but think I have swung too far the other way to not holding the chords together (hence the thinning high notes lacking bite probably from a lack of subglottic pressure) or rather too much Oe and not enough ae. I definitely think that is acceptable at the moment however to leave past habits behind.

It is quite funny the difference in teaching styles. I always leave a lesson with Piernay feeling like an idiot who can't sing and leave lessons with Sahuc feeling intelligent and that my voice keeps getting better. they definitely both have their benefits, but I know which one is more enjoyable...haha.

One thing I like about Sahuc, I almost always have a very clear sense of purpose and direction in what I am trying to accomplish.

I was on the Pepperdine campus over the break...what a trip. Made me miss folks. Dr. Price, Mr. P, Dr. E...actually the entire Pepperdine music faculty. They really are a great group. Louise totally saved my butt and I continue to be so thankful to have had such wonderful professors.

Unfortunately I got some bad knews as well over break which I won't share here, but definitely could use some thoughts and prayers for my family. Fortunately, my family seems to be handling it well...

I got to hear Craig on the radio for the Met National council Western Regionals. He sounded great! (big surprise) I was able to record the entire thing with really high quality using a labtop so it is great to have a couple more tracks that he can use for applications and/or to have around the house.

There have been about 3-4 inches of snow the entire time I have been back and it has been between 25 below and 5 below. Definitely a new experience. Thank goodness my Aunt and uncle sent me a hat for christmas...I have been using it almost everyday.

My nephews are so cool! They are 13 and 11 and they are still totally cool, good and darn intelligent kids. It is really neat to see my brother and his wife raise such good kids. I think there is a shortage of good parents in the world these days.

Finally have time/desire to read the bible from cover to cover. I started once before, but was too busy and didn't get out of Genesis. There is a little schedule in my bible that jumps back and forth between Old and New Testament and so far I have been astonished how much of the bible I already read. So far nothing new...but I am not out of Genesis or Matthew yet.

It definitely is interesting approaching the bible on my own terms and schedule and with an adult brain. The first few chapters of Genesis seem so...Almost Native American. Just reminded me of creation stories and explanation tales from other early/more primitive societies. Kept thinking of the Coyote and the raven explaining why Coyotes howl at night and why there are stars in the sky. It is also nice to really be able to take in the Jesus's message in context and with an actual desire to read it, rather than thinking about the donuts in bible study or how many pages I have left to read before religion 102 in the morning.

I sometimes feel a bit ashamed for in some ways wasting so much time my first 2 months on my own in Mannheim. I think that they were kind of neccessary and understandable though. I just needed some mundane safety and familiarity and having to travel so constantly and feeling like an idiot languagewise just wore me down.

I am happy to say however, that my German is better than ever, I am absolutely enjoying my free time to go on walks, read, or cook and that I miss my loved ones and in particular Miriam, I am actually feeling rather fulfilled here.

Knowing I have not lost the things I cherish in America, and have some sense of what I will be doing next year and my continuing potential....I really feel much more at peace and in the moment here...

Though maybe it is just because the Lakers beat the Celtics...and the Celtics continue to lose....

Maybe....