Man...I needed a bit of Mahler tonight...haha
Stressful times. My hiatus from performing that I very monochromaticaly enjoyed last semester has definitely come to an end. I have started having to turn down projects which I guess is a good thing.
I made it to see Thomas Hampson in Heidelgberg a few nights ago. I will refrain from too many comments as this is technically a public arena but will simply say that during the final set I chose to watch the audience instead of the performer. His voice was quite good, very lyrically and clean and with good control, though I have always found it a little to...hmm...I guess I will say lacking an animal instinct, roughness, or sincerity that is able to really arouse people. The music was nonetheless quite good, though his presentation was at times very self-indulgent (not that I was surprised). This unfortunately made the music seem at times concocted and insincere.
As I already stated, I found the audience a better visual. He definitely performed some of my absolute favorite pieces. Admittedly, during Stille Trännen I could here Jose Van Dam the entire time in my head. He also sang the Rückert Lieder. The pianist was also excellent. That was when I really watched the audience (a little creepy perchance). There was one older gentlemen with his eyes closed, his head tilted slightly back, and a look of utter peace. That too me was one of the most beautiful things I have seen. To see how A few of my very favorite songs, which have brought me so much inspiration, enjoyment, and consolation, could affect other people in the same way, really gave me an affirmation of the worth of my studies. It is the ability to instill that peace that I saw on that bald-headed, white eye-browed man (not too different from Geri in the Disney-Pixar short with the chess game) that makes me study the arts.
Warning....this next paragraph may mean nothing to those not Familiar with the Rückert Lieder from Mahler. If not, and you are curious, they contain two of my favorite songs ever written.
I had a bit of an epiphony during the Rückert Lieder. He placed Um Mitternacht second to last and Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen second. After Um Mitternacht (with no cracking!!!...next time...) I thought exactly what Louise had said at my Pre-recital. "How do you put something else on the program after that" But when Ich bin der Welt started, I think I figured it out. Um Mitternacht ends with a proclamation of God's power and the singers helplessness. The poet says that he gives up the struggle of man kind into God's hands. It is a Beautiful and utterly stirring climax that makes one want to stand up and shout or cry or clap or something. So to follow it with one of the most introspective pieces of music seems like a fools errand. But. I think the contrast highlights ich bin der Welt even more. The poet gives up his struggles to God AND THEN, is lost to the world. The he can live in his love and in his music. then it is alright to give up the struggle because he has reallized that he cannot decide it, and only God can.
I had a frustrating moment involving Ich bin der Welt. It was the second song I sang in my "audition" for Piernay. We talked a bit about it and I said it always reminded me a bit of Buddhist non-being/non-action. He basically said I was wrong. Granted, his German is undoubtedly better than mine, but Rückert is famous today for his translation of Oriental texts. Not especially for his poetry. The idea that his poems would have overtones of Eastern philosophy/religion seems utterly logical. I don't know. I just kind of remembered the full background of my interperetation of that song (7 months later) and finally had a supported come-back! haha! That may definitely be a record for me. Everone thinks about what they shoud have said in a situation but 7 months later is a long time for me. Not that he would have listened...hehe
I needed a bit of Mahler myself today. My roommates all went out and I stayed home to try to get the work I would be doing when Miriam visits so I was able to play as 'stop and go' and sing as loudly as I wanted.
It has been a curious week. I have pretty much committed to going to U of Redlands. Who would have guessed that a year ago. I got a Grad Assistanceship so it should work out being the cheapest option as well. Unfortunately some of my other reasons have become a little shaky in the last twenty-four hours, but I have Mahler and optimism.
I plan to become an Associate Member of the Piano Technicians guild next year and really work toward become a certified member. I don't know how much I will still have to learn but I imagine it will take at least a year. This short summer between painting our house and going to Mexico I plan to take apart and rebuild my Spinnet. I will also sort through the tools and parts I inherited.
I am glad I will finally have a chance to work towards earn that blessing. I don't think I will ever really feel I deserved it, but I can at least feel I have handled it responsibly. I just hope I made Bill Dick feel like the baldheaded white eye-browed Geri some time when I sang at church.
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